Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Reflecting on the last eight weeks



Dear Friends & Family,

I have officially made it out of the quarantine I placed myself in when we returned from Costa Rica. Not sure if I got a bug on the plane or the change of climate (we came home to “The Blizzard of March 2008” - 14 inches, which set some records in Ohio), but I was miserable for a few days. As we reflect on the past eight weeks at Hogar De Vida, Jessica has encouraged me to write about the different feelings I had and to let you know what God said to me while we were away. Since much of our blog was based around short stories and funny experiences, I felt that now was a good time to reflect and share.

Though many of our stories shared the lighter side of our journey, there were several difficult days for me. I was searching the entire time. Searching for answers to questions like “Is this mission teaching the Gospel? Do we feel that these people are following God’s leading? Is this a mission that is doing good in the world?” Very early during our time there the answers to these questions were undoubtedly yes. Great thing were happening at Hogar de Vida. The Gospel is being taught and precious ones were getting a chance to regain their lives after the turmoil they had previously experienced.

My searching then turned to whether or not Jessica and I were supposed to move to Costa Rica. Had our past six months lead us to this place to become long-term missionaries? Or was this a great experience, one we will never forget, and it is time to return to our lives in the States? For me this was the most difficult question. I began to search into what is “a calling”. I read the callings of the prophets and disciples in the Bible, I listened to sermons, and I asked the missionaries at Hogar de Vida how they knew when they were called. And I read Matthew 28: 18-20, which doesn’t give much wiggle room for “being called” or not.

Matthew 28: 18-20

The Great Commission

18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

During my readings I came across Elijah in I Kings 19. Elijah had just had his miraculous experience on Mount Carmel. He then flees from Jezebel to Mt. Horeb, a forty-day journey. God asked Elijah “What are you doing here?” I don’t know how many times I asked myself that question. “What am I doing here?” I had a good job. I worked with good people - doing something I loved - and enjoyed who I was when I did it. “What am I doing here?”

Many days I struggled with this question. For the most part I was a painter/maintenance man. Though I can paint pretty well, my skill set is not in manual labor. Not that I can’t do it, but I just like interacting with people. One of the best parts of my job at Hefren-Tillotson was the interaction with people, both co-workers and clients. In addition to interacting with people, I love information. For those of you who know my dad, you understand this love. I grew up listening to KDKA news talk radio rather than music. Jessica even filmed one of our video blogs on the topic of my pursuit of information.

However, in Costa Rica, most of my days were spent in solitude in an information bubble. I was struggling. I enjoyed the kids. I think the blog posts make it obvious that we really enjoyed that part. But would God call me to work at a place where I didn’t have much people interaction during the day? And place me in an information bubble from the rest of the world?

As we went about our days, we began to feel more and more of a draw to Hogar de Vida. The missionaries began to share with us how they have been praying for a missionary couple to come down and open the 3rd home. Olga, the house mom where Jessica worked, shared that they have been praying for eight years for a missionary couple to come. And we began to learn of other tasks (on top of being house parents) that really fit our desires and skills. (Psalm 37: 4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.) So, we received another tug at our hearts. Is this really the place for us? God, do you want us to come here long-term? (And for those of you who are wondering about the information bubble, I finally found out they have a Wi-Fi network at Hogar de Vida.)

I continued to read about callings in the Bible. Moses was called through a burning bush. Sometimes I would think, why couldn’t God just call me through a burning bush? Why can’t there be some miraculous sign that just makes it obvious to everyone (and especially me) that this is where I am supposed to be?

While thinking these things, I listened to a Wild at Heart calling CD series. The speaker talked about how God doesn’t dictate to us because if all He did was to dictate then there wouldn’t be any room left for a relationship. He used the example of a new boss asking an employee what he thought about a project and the employee finally getting fed up with answering the questions and telling the boss “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” There isn’t room for dialogue if He only dictates.

The calling CD also used the Moses burning bush calling illustration. The actual words in the Bible are these, Exodus 3: 4 - When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said “Here I am.” Did you notice when God spoke? It wasn’t until after Moses looked - implying that God wants to talk to us, but He might be waiting for our attention.

Again, when God called to Elijah in 1st Kings 19, God wasn’t in the miraculous powerful wind or in the earthquake; He was in the gentle whisper. So, I began waiting for gentle whispers realizing that I might not get a burning bush.

Throughout this entire process (the past six months, not just the last two in Costa Rica), we never really knew what we were going to do until we were ready to take the next step. Madeline, the adorable Guatemalan child, was on our plane flight home from our trip to Guatemala when we had nothing else scheduled. We didn’t get the e-mail to go to Costa Rica until we were at the Booden’s’ babysitting for a weekend with again nothing left on our schedule. As these months have played out, we have begun to realize this process – talk about a lesson in faith and patience for two professional financial planners.

For our last day at Hogar de Vida, Tim asked me to give the daily devotion. I didn’t want to, but said yes. Not knowing what I was going to say, I started looking through my notebook of devotions I had previously written. I came across one that I had written for a youth group retreat to Seneca Hills in March of 2004. The devotion was on calling. In my own handwriting, I began to read what I had said on calling nearly four years ago. I took my devotion for our last day from these pages. I compared and contrasted the life of King Solomon and his pursuits in Ecclesiastes 2: 1-11 to Jesus’ life in Philippians 2:1-11.

Ecclesiastes 2: 1-11

Pleasures Are Meaningless

1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives.

4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well—the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me.

10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.

I then contrasted this “chasing after the wind” to a summary of Jesus’ life in Philippians 2:1-11.

Philippians 2: 1-11

Imitating Christ's Humility

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! 9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, 10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Through humility and serving others, Jesus was able to have a life that was anything but meaningless. It doesn't say that one has to go to Costa Rica to do this, however this spoke to me. In addition, I had written three questions in my notebook to help others determine their purpose.

1) Is this desire that you have something that is sustained and matches against the teaching of the Bible?

2) What is it you do that when you do it you feel God's pleasure?

3) What is it that comes looking for you?


In my own handwriting I answered question #3 four years ago “for me it’s kids. Kids just like me, and I like kids.” This also struck me.

After reading my own words, I was taken back to when I originally decided that we would pursue missions. We were at Memorial Day Weekend at Seneca Hills Family Camp. The missions’ speaker was giving a spiritual gifts test that I had signed up for. I had also agreed to take some of the kids to the river to swim. Well, it took a lot longer for the kids to get ready than expected, and as we were finally getting into the river I looked at my watch and told the kids that I was supposed to be up at the chapel to take this test. Looking into their eyes I quickly realized that I didn’t need to take a spiritual gifts test to know one of my gifts is working with kids. I shared this at the last missions’ session of the weekend, and said that I wasn’t currently working with kids so I really didn’t know where this was going to go, but if God were to call me to work somewhere - be it overseas or in the states - that I would go. At that point I didn’t expect that it would lead to quitting our jobs at Hefren-Tillotson and everything else in the past six months.

Fast-forward to me reading my own words, contemplating that past Memorial Day Weekend, and now being presented with a wide open door to come to Costa Rica and be a father to the fatherless…is this my gentle whisper?

As we got on the plane to come home, I continued my practice of praying as Samuel prayed, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” The movie on the flight was scheduled to be Enchanted. A few minutes later, the attendant came on and apologized and said that the movie wasn’t Enchanted and that we would be watching August Rush. Rather than watching a movie about a fairy tale, we would be watching a movie about an orphan. With only one set of earphones, Jessica heard the music and words. But I didn’t need the sound; everything was coming in loud and clear. The movie is a beautiful story of how a boy, though abandoned and fatherless, has special talents and has a purpose in life. With tears coming down both of our faces, we watched as we believed God spoke to us again.

So here we are – back in Ohio – back in my parents’ basement. We ask that you continue to pray for us, specifically this next week. With a decision to go overseas waiting in the balance. With needs that we don’t even know of yet waiting to be fulfilled. Two travelers on a journey waiting as the God of the heavens and earth whispers gently – hoping we’ll hear – with or without headphones.

Lots of Love,

Jon & Jessica